THE POST BLACK FRIDAY BLUES
Up we go (in the middle of the night) and tear off to Walmart or wherever where we’re sure to find whatever, and whatever the kids beg for. Minivans fight for parking places like reindeer on caffeine overload. Christmas spirit? And where are we going to load all those goodies (mostly unnecessary, into the car? This is a tradition that is taking a toll on a lot of us already frantically frazzled.
MAKING MY LIST AND CHECKING IT, OH, EVERY HOUR
Why is it stress is always at the top of your list? Where’s the time you get to lounge around in ridiculous pajamas sipping steamy hot chocolate, reminding yourself of things that have to get done. And why don’t those things ever involve anyone else pitching in? Who made this a one player team? You swear it begins to make you fruitier than a fruitcake. And just as heavy. Everyone wants…well, everything. Does price ever enter the picture? Christmas is going to the dogs, when you consider that 95% of people buy their pets gifts.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A WEEK IN BARBADOS
It never seems to stop. You can’t forget filling every cranny in the house with extra batteries. And then, there’s the panic that sets in when you see something that has “requires some assembly” stamped on it. We have phones that store thousands of images in the cloud, but we still stand in line for 2 hours or more to get that tacky photo of your kids sitting on Santa’s lap, who if you asked, would rather be sitting with a jumbo-sized eggnog. (excess rum included.) Then there’s the whining “I’ll die if you don’t do it” request to sit for hours watching funny Christmas cat videos. Your “naughty” nerves start to climb. You get an incontrollable urge to wrap gifts in birthday paper since you have so much. And what if you have no chimney? Does Santa just power through the wall like the Kool-Aid pitcher man? And what if Santa has gone vegan or gluten free? Do you need to put out quinoa cookies with organic soy milk?
Since you probably won’t get the Barbados thing, then all you probably want for Christmas is Tylenol, Advil, Prilosec…maybe some Ativan…. They say it’s the thought that counts—I doubt anyone wants to hear what I’m thinking.
THE BEST GIFT YOU COULD GET
The holidays are wall to wall with stressors (all that stuff that makes you want to scream) and all those stressors have a huge impact on your entire hormonal system. If you’re feeling stressed, your hormones have a day with your body and your hormones will be out of whack. The more your emergency stress system is activated, the easier it becomes to trigger and the harder it becomes to shut off. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar — even normal. You don’t notice how much it’s affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll. You can’t fake how rotten you feel. Wishing on a star isn’t going to do what making an appointment to see STEPHEN A. GOLDSTEIN MD, F.A.C.S. AT DENVER HORMONE HEALTH will. No one knows more about hormones and how they can affect your body. His expertise is unquestioned. His experience unparalleled. His understanding puts your mind to rest. Not to mention the rest of you. With simple tests, he can see which hormones are triggering your distress and target them head on with a treatment program tailored just for you. Right size. Right everything. Right away. So, make an appointment before your holiday cheer disappears.
No battery required.